16 Dirty Facts You’re Dying to Know but Are Too Afraid to Ask

Who can say whether these facts are things you need to know, or even should know? And while these facts may not be safe for work viewing (especially if you’re about to plug your computer in for a presentation), they could make for some interesting happy hour icebreakers off the clock. Just don’t bring us into it if you get reported to HR for being “that guy.”

You always knew they had you beat size-wise…

But suffice it to say that elephants truly have humans beat in just about every area. Memory, size, empathy, size, speed, size, and now, their dicks can grab things! They can even use them as kick stands to help reach leaves that are too high up. And just think, all yours can do is make people laugh when it gets hit with a baseball. Especially if it’s a baseball an elephant threw with his penis.

Your favorite things might have more in common than you thought.

Maybe it’s just that all good things have the same acidity? Either way, this definitely isn’t an excuse to put beer in your vagina. That would be cold and gross and probably very bad. It is something extra to think about next time you crack a cold one though, especially if it’s yeasty. Hey, we don’t make the facts, we just put them in your face and make you deal with them.

Nature really has thought of everything.

Now, none of us want to ask or imagine why Japanese researchers were ripping the penises off of earwigs. Maybe earwigs are some kind of national scapegoat, or maybe they just had a personal beef with these particular earwigs. Either way, it ended up not mattering, because earwigs have a contingency plan for this. I guess maybe they go through a lot of really contentious divorces.

There’s a reason we evolved to create plastic.

Orangutans make due with what they have. Luckily, humans don’t have to craft sex toys out of splintery wood, this is just one of the many miracles of modern science. And it’s probably the most obvious thing that separates us from animals. But honestly, watch out for the day they start to making better dildos. Because that, friends, is the day we need to call Mark Wahlberg.

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